All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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