There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
