apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
