She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
