So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
