I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
