Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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