last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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