You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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