my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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