i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
