Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
