He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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