How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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