As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
