I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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