it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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