you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
