ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have post one night stand depression
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
