I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
