Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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