In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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