OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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