I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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