WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
