So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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