I bet he comes in French.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
