At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
