omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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