My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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