weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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