If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
