I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
