he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
