i need an iv and a liver transplant
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
