Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
