I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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