OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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