I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
this just has baby written all over it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Panties = found
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
