its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
