I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
