Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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