does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
