I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
