Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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