i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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