ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My Sexting was not on an AP level
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
