I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
