Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
