It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
